5 Ways Buffy the Vampire Slayer Warned Me about Motherhood

During high school, I lived for each new episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I wanted to be Buffy. I even got my hair cut like Sarah Michelle Geller’s at one point. Who didn’t want to have Angel moon over you? Let’s just pretend the last 3 seasons didn’t happen (because really, the earlier the better when it comes to Buffy). I never realized watching my favorite show would teach me how to survive the early years of motherhood.

 A monster doesn’t always look like a monster.

The opening scene of the first episode shows a sweet, fresh faced girl sneaking into the high school with a boy.  She is all school girl innocence until she morphs into a monster and kills the boy.  We all think our children are the cutest and most adorable babies ever.  We also know that given an exact combination of conditions, our sweet little angels can become monsters (pun fully intended).

The morph into evil can happen with zero warning.

We all remember what happens if Angel gets truly happy.  One moment, he is all love and sentiment; the next minute, he is trying to kill you and everyone you love and their pet fish.  One moment my boys are all coos and giggles.  Suddenly, they lose their minds.  This will always happen in an embarrassingly public way.  Can you say checkout line at Target?

Silence is terrifying.

Oh crap on a cracker! Hush was the most terrifying and creeping hour of television I ever watched. I still have nightmares about the Gentlemen 15 years later. Of course, in a house with toddlers, I know that silence is a sign of destruction somewhere. The last time I realized the house was silent, I found a very happy little guy playing in the snow he made by dumping a container of creamer everywhere.

There is such a thing as too much love.

Remember when Xander decides he needs to cast a love spell on Cordelia and instead has the entire female population (and then some) of Sunnydale chasing him? They were ready to tear him apart in their need for him. Yeah, my boys love me a lot. Sometimes, they love me too much. I spend many days wondering if I will ever get 5 minutes without someone wanting to touch me again. Ain’t love grand?

You will not survive without your Scooby Gang.

We all need our friends and we need different friends. You need the older, wiser Giles to see you through and the goofy Xander to keep you from taking yourself too seriously. Your Willow will know just where to find the answer to your question, and Cordelia will point out that you at least aren’t as big a failure as someone else.

Some days feel like the end of the world (again!) when you are stuck in the monotony of diapers, drop-offs, and homework help. The good news is YOU are the slayer and you will figure it out just in time. Now, put the kids to bed, grab some snacks, and binge watch some Buffy. You’ll be five by five in no time.


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